my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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