just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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