I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
