I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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