I puked a lego.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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