So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
