Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
