I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
