He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
