I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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