My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
