I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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