last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
