just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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