im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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