i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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