Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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