Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
