My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
