This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
