My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
