I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
