My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i dont even know how to be here
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
