bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
