girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
