when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
