no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
