The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
