i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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