Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
