fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
