I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He shit in the fireplace
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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