things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
