I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My ass is underappreciated
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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