i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
