so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
