Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
