This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Boobs are out for the taking
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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