you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
