I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
