i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
