I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
