Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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