There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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