Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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