all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
