I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
