How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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