Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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