I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
